*Why is it that we expect so much? This was me today. Remember how I said I wasn't going to bed yesterday? Well... that never quite happened because I never fell asleep at all. I finally uploaded my website this morning at 8:15 a.m. And I went to work with Lexi at 9 a.m. It was so much fun, you see people go in with no makeup and comfy close, and then they go through hair and makeup and look flawless! My job was to take behind the scene pictures and help Lexi with moving the lights or using the reflector. When we went outside for some shots, I discovered how powerful the reflector could be. The gold side will literally make your face pop the hell out of the shadow. I guess it hurts your eyes because people hated it, but it made them look beautiful!! Oh and I learned how to set up for headshots, it’s called butterfly lighting and it makes a person’s close up look flawless. I put my phone on airplane mode because I thought that after I was finished working with Lexi, at least one person would be telling me how amazing the website was. And yeah I didn’t need anyone to because I loved it and I was happy about it myself. What happened? I expected it too much. I even kept it a secret, because I wanted someone to see it from a genuine reaction, not because I told them too. When I went to work at Carmel, I thought Todd, my brother would at least have noticed. Especially, since I saw him on Instagram, but still nothing. I just got home, but I feel soo weird. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get any sleep last night, and the entire day I felt so out of this world, like I wasn’t living the actual moments that were going on. I just wanted to go home and fall asleep. When I did get home, my family had dinner and afterwards I was in my room and I felt such sadness. Like I had been expecting someone to say something all day and nothing happened so I felt like I was fighting so hard to just not say anything. I crashed, I started crying so bad. And I don’t even know why. I just was and I was trapped in this bubble of sadness. Maybe it was just my body being like girl GO TO SLEEP. I ended up telling my brother, obviously trying to hide the tears, but they decided to come out from my eyeballs anyway. He really liked it, but I felt so stupid for just saying it. I felt so corny and dumb. Guess who also saw me crying? Tim: my baby brother. And worst of all, he told my mom. After that, I hid in the bathroom for a couple minutes, made sure the coast was clear, and then made a run for my room. Closed all my lights, ignoring the fact that I definitely thought there was a spider in my ceiling, but I wasn’t sure because Todd had said it was just a spider web, but he barely looked at it. What if it was small and hanging to its web? Whatever all I had to do was forget all those stupid feelings and go to sleep. Gosh, I felt like such a dork.